Need Help?
What should you do if you think someone might be abusing you? If you feel that you love someone but often feel afraid, you may need to think about ways to leave the relationship and/or stay safe. Abuse can escalate over time. You’re worth being treated with respect and you can get help.
How Can You Help Yourself
First, make sure you’re safe. A trusted adult or friend can help. If the person has physically attacked you, you may need medical attention or to call the police. Assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it’s done by someone you are dating. Support is available.
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what’s been going on, but this is when you need support most. Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. People like school counselors, teachers, youth workers, coaches, doctors, and friends will want to help you, so let them.
It’s important to have help when getting out of an abusive situation.
Friends and family who love and care about you can help you break away. It’s important to know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself. It’s also likely you will need help to break out of a cycle of abuse, especially if you still love the person who has hurt you, or feel guilty about leaving. These feelings are perfectly normal.
Helping a Friend
The abuser is counting on you NOT to say anything at all. By ignoring their behaviour, you become part of the reason they are allowed to continue abusing their dating partner.
Being in an abusive relationship can be extremely traumatic. Often, people feel very alone and isolated from help, understanding and support. It is important to understand what kinds of things you can do and say to help a friend or family member who is dealing with this type of problem. Here’s how you can help.
You can tell them
It’s not your fault.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
You don’t deserve to be abused or assaulted.
You have rights and options.
There is support available for you.
Listen ...
Do Not Judge ...
Support Their Right to Make Their Own Decisions …
Sometimes we think we know what is best. Remember, they have the right to make their own decisions. Telling them what to do will not be helpful.
Repeat That Violence, Abuse, or Assault are NOT Their Fault…
It is common for people to feel they have done something wrong. Continue to remind them that the violence, abuse, or assault was the other person’s choice and that’s where the blame belongs.
Educate Yourself …
Provide Resource Information …
Protect Their Privacy *in most cases …
They have chosen to tell you. It is not your place to tell others, with the exception of informing a teacher or another adult who will offer help and support. Make sure to do this if your friend is in danger.
Believe ...
Believe what they tell you – it has taken a great deal of strength and courage for them to tell you. If someone tells you they are being hurt, listen to them with an open mind. You may know their abuser, but you may not know what is happening privately.
Understand What They are Saying …
Devote your efforts to understanding the thoughts, feelings, and experiences they have chosen to share with you – not only to find out things you want to know.
Be Supportive ...
Support their feelings as well as their choice to share them with you and acknowledge that it may have been difficult to do so.